How come we can say sorry about bumping into some-one accidently while standing in a queue waiting for our favourite brew but when it really matters we’d rather chew razor blades? Not saying sorry can damage if not destroy our relationships, including those we are closest to. Growing up means learning how to say sorry. One sure sign of maturity is the ability to take responsibility and saying sorry means you are taking responsibility!

Why Men Don’t Apologise

Proud men don’t apologise. Why? Because you have to accept that you at fault and are taking responsibilty for that!

Embarrassed men dont apologise. Why? Because at best we dont want to admit or own our emotions and then talk about them. So when we feel bad or dumb or inadequate we go into our caves and hide rather than face reality head on.

Angry men dont apologise. Why? Because our anger deflects onto the other person we think has wronged us, we justify our actions and thus prevents us from seeing our part in the mess.

The soultion? Be humble! Men love posturing and this means we put up facades that present an overinflated false picture of who we really are. We act as if we’re not always right but we’re never wrong! We present a persona that says we are handling and coping with everything life throws at us. But under our Superman suit we are all just Clark Kent – human and as such we do make mistakes. Accepting your humanity is not wrong; it’s what you are. To act like you’re divine will alienate you from everyone but to accept this will mature you as a man.

Must I Apologise?

Yes, including when you are not totally to blame. Dont be the kind of guy that refuses to acknowledge your part in the offence and only aplogise when it’s 100% your fault. Remember it takes two to cause an offence and it’s rare that an offence is 100% one person’s fault.

Find and acknowledge your part in the offence and seek to understand yourself – why you did what you did. Understanding is the dorrway to growth and maturity. Justifying yourself is destructive and short-sighted which will negate any personal potential growth. While you justify yourself you may be destroying what is most precious to you. Some men choose to be right but it comes at a very high expense.

Normally owning up to your part in the relational breakdown will help the others involved to accept their part but even if they dont it doesn’t matter. At least you not held captive to their unwillingness to apologise.

Boys in big bodies dont apologise. Children hide under the bed or run away. Nothing changes. Big boys still hide or run away. A mantakes ownership of his faults whether there are unpleasant consequences or not.

Apologise as soon as possible because the longer you wait the more justified you will be become and the more hurt and resentful the other will be. Ignring an offence means sweeping it under the carpet but eventually everyone including you is going to trip and fall over that offence mountain under the carpet! The sooner you apologise the sooner the awkwardness can be dealt with and everyone can move on. A bit of humour also helps in the right context. Stop taking yourself so seriously and have a good laugh at yourself!

Dont Apologise when standing up for your faith in Jesus Christ and the Christian values, standards and principles you uphold… as long as you dont defend yourself by acting like a moron! And if you do act like a moron then you’ve already lost your case and you should sincerely apologise. You have a right to your faith and even if people dont agree with it they should respect that.

Dont apologise for not being perfect. Unreasonable people and unreasonable expectations should be called as such. If the expectation is unreasonable then say so and dont apologise for it no matter how the other party tries to justify the reasoning behind their demands.

Dont apologise for every little thing. Being overly sensitive is a sign of certain insecurity and low self-esteem. No-one respects a compulsive apologiser and far from being manly it’s really emasculating.
This is the way you should say sorry:

If you cant look them in the face then put it in writing.

Admit to others what they already know about you but just aren’t saying. It helps everyone.

Laugh at yourself. It helps others laugh with you.

Really apologise otherwise it’s not an apology at all. Do  not say I’m sorry but… That is not an apology. You have the right to explain but not the right to excuse yourself. Do not express sorrow for them being sorry. You are not admitting any fault and merely pouring petrol on the fire instead of water.

Explain why you are sorry because it expresses your understanding of the gravity of the situation, that you have thought about what you have done and what it means to you and others you have hurt. This tells the other party that you’re not just apologising because you have to.

When you apologise do whatever it takes to make right. If you don’t offer to make right then the apology is not an apology because it means that you are not taking responsibility for your actions.

Regret that you did what you did and communicate your wish to grow and do better in the future; that you have learnt from your behaviour. Where necessary get professional help.

Actions speak louder than words. If your words are not followed up with corresponding actions then it meant nothing at all. A man is a man of his word.

Fail forward! Go on living and do not live in regret. Being anchored in the past is for neutralised men. Life is for living.

As promised, here is the video that had us all in laughter at He Saved The Day. Watch it here!

Abraham’s Testimony:

Hi all,

I just want to use the opportunity to thank God once again for being at the Men’s Conference.

I already sent an email earlier expressing my thanks to God and those people God used.

However, I just thought I should share this with you all.

Last night while I was back in the house I lodged and meditating on the things we were thought at the conference and praying during the course of the meditation, God showed me what I needed to do to reach out to my colleagues at work.
I will be pursuing that this week and it crossed my heart yesterday that God will reach out to all my colleagues through this means.

Also, I received last night confirmation about where God wants me to worship before relocating to Africa. This has been an issue for the last couple of months.

Lastly, while I was preparing for the conference on Friday, I was ironing my clothes and my iron stopped working.
I quickly checked if I could find the receipt/bank statement to show that I bought it at Asda but I couldnt.

I cycled to Asda but was told that I needed to get the receipt or a Bank Statement showing exactly the cost of the iron.

I couldnt find it so I left for the conference.
On saturday, during the break, i went to M&S in Exeter to see if I could get a new iron.
I already picked up the iron but thought to myself that I should get back home and check again if I could find the cost of the iron in my bank statement.

I got back home and checked but I couldnt find it..
I picked up the iron, to be sincere, i just picked it up, without thinking I touched the iron and thought that I should switch it on.
I did and it worked..

I am grateful to God for the fact that the iron worked.
although the iron cost £15 but I am too grateful to God and sensed I should share this with you all.
The same God that saved me from wasting another £15 is all powerful to save me from wasting millions and could use me to save lives from dying, businesses from failing and institutions and societies from wasting efforts on replacing things that still have long life.

Thank you God and thank you guys.

Love you all

Abraham

See all the photos from Day 1 of He Saved The Day on our Photo Album.

We’ll see you on Friday. Until then, be inspired by these quotes from Ed Cole:

“Timing is the essential ingredient in success: Being the right man, at the right time, in the right place.”

“To educate a man in mind and not in morals is to educate a menace to society.”

“To read the Word and apply it to someone else is the letter of the law, and it will kill you.”

“To the degree that you become a good son to God, you become a good father to your children.”

“Too often men look only at images but are blind to issues.”

“True nobility is found in the dignity of real manhood.”

“Unbelief is the basis of sin. Pride is the strength of sin. Deceitfulness is the character of sin.”

“We can be one of God’s few successes or one of His thousands of disappointments.”

“What a man is in his manhood determines what he is in every other aspect of his life and relationships.”

“What God expects from a man is manhood.”

“What you believe is the basis for conduct, character and destiny.”

“When a man acts like a child, it forces his wife to act like his mother.”

“When we accept another man’s philosophy, which is a rationalization to justify his failure, we accept his failure.”

“Women want the same things in men that God wants: consistency, decisiveness and strength.”

“You become intimate with the one for whom you pray, with whom you pray and to Whom you pray.”

“You can be a professing Christian on Sunday but a practicing atheist during the week.”

“You can tell the character of a man by the friends he keeps.”

“You’re not qualified to lead if you cannot be led.”

“God commands us to commit to faithful men, then He makes them able.”

“Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan “press on” has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.”

President Calvin Coolidge (1872-1933)

Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0. What I have
noticed is a slow down in the performance of the flower and jewelry
applications, which had operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0
system. In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable
programs, such as Romance 9.9, but installed undesirable programs such
as Sport 7.3, NFL 3.2 and Tennis 4.1. Conversation 8.0 also no longer
runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I’ve tried
running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I
do?
Yours faithfully
Desperate Susan
————————————————-

Reply from Tech Support

Dear Desperate Susan,
First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 was an entertainment package,
while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command C:/
I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then
automatically run the applications: Guilt 3.3 and Flowers 7.5. But
remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to such background
applications as Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.
Please remember that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create
Snoring Loudly.WAV files.
DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend
program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband
1.0. It could also potentially cause Husband 1.0 to default to the
program: Girlfriend 9.2, which runs in the background and has been
known to introduce viruses into the Operating System.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited
memory and can’t learn new applications quickly. You might consider
buying additional software to enhance his system performance. I
personally recommend Home Cooking 3.0 and Single Malt Scotch 4.5.
Finally consider applications such as Lingerie 6.9 (which has been
credited with improved performance of his hardware).

Good Luck
Tech Support

Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed
that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a
lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now
monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night
10.3, Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Golfing 3.6.
I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to
run my favorite applications. I’m thinking about going back to
Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn’t work on Wife 1.0 . Please
help!
Thanks,
Troubled User…..
________________________________
REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it
is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an
OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend
7.0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from
the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to
not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/
Child Support . I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on
improving the situation. I suggest installing the background
application “Yes Dear” to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE!
because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before
the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high
maintenance . Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as
Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2 .
However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will
cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this
happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to
purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With
Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and
will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!

Best of luck,
Tech Support